time is of essence.

In the last few days I've caught a glimpse of what my life is going to look like, the shape it is beginning to take; its composition from the next year onwards. All those years, thoughts and images seem so distant now... it's all beginning to feel so real. We think about it all the time, we all know it's coming, but we're never completely ready for it. Time has slipped through my fingers and all I'm left with is the future. Those will be the roads I'll walk and travel along, those will be the people I will see daily, the places that will surround me in my day-to-day comings and goings. This is it. This is where it goes from here. And yet we all still seem to want to grasp on to what is left from this era, this time which is coming to and end. The small essence of the time which we are in that has not yet become what will be. We all want to grow up, move on, take a few steps on our own and see where life takes us. Still, will the grass always be greener on the other side? 

she walked slowly, touching only slightly with her fingertips the plants that surrounded her. the flowers in her hair left a slight scent of summer and blossom trailing behind her as she moved. the orangey-yellow light flooded her face as she looked up. her quiet hums faded among the sounds created by nature; birds, crickets, the rustle of leaves and the sweeps her dress made, became one. her bare feet brushed against the plant stalks, her toes and the flowers intertwining. the warm, musty smell of summer evenings hovered over her. 

I guess that's how it goes, doesn't it? You really think everything's getting better, and the next moment something else plummets you to the ground. Hard, cold and hurtful. And all those memories, where do they go then? Do they fall to the ground with you? Or do they stay up where you were before, so that when you get back up there and build some more, you fall back down without them? It always happens like this. Something starts to go right, but bad news comes running back to greet you again, and knock you over each and every time a tiny ray of hope or happiness begins to show.